I went to Target the other night, ALONE!! I would almost choose a solo trip to Target over an hour massage these days. I had a Starbucks gift card, which I used for a piping hot spice vanilla latte, and I spent my time par-oozing the aisles. Of course, the time was 8:00 pm, and I looked like I had wrangled three children all day. I am sure my shoulders were crusted with day old snot and baby food, and you could probably bet large sums of money that my hair hadn’t been brushed since 6:30 am, possibly not even then. Honestly, I really wasn’t thinking about my appearance when I left the house. I was, after all, venturing out into the dark of night to find solace in the aisles of retail heaven. As I was meandering the clothing department, dreaming of all the fashionable clothing I could be wearing if I didn’t have to buy formula, I saw a cute, skinny college girl wearing the most darling grey hoodie with floral Gamma Phi Beta letters sewn on the front. I wanted to impress her by busting out my secret Gamma Phi Beta handshake (since I too am a G-Phi-B), BUT…I didn’t want to scare her. I am sure she would have left Target and called up her roomie and said, “Some weirdo 30 year old WOMAN cornered me between the rack of maxi-skirts and flannel button-ups to tell me she was a Gamma Phi too. Uhg, hopefully I am not that wierd when I am 30. Oh, and she had boogers crusted all over her shoulder. Gross!!“
My mind immediately worm holed back to my college days. Ahhh. What bliss. Back then I would take therapeutic trips to Target too, but the reality I was escaping was much different.
I began to think of my former-sorority-self. If I was magically presented with my future, what would I think? (I must admit my reality is pretty amazing, but still VERY different than what I ever pictured.) I have eaten SOOO many words since those days, and life is much more difficult than it was back then. Not in a bad way, in a more “grown up” way.
If I knew then, what I know now, I might have run in the opposite direction. That is why God is good enough to not show us our future. (Amen?!) We would melt on the spot if we knew what lay ahead.
I have been working on a list of “You know you are a Mom when…” things that have actually happened to me. The little sorority cutie that I saw at Target that night has no idea the fun and excitement that is in store, even though on paper (or computer screen) it looks ugly, it really is an adventure.
I decided to write her a little letter to let her know a tidbit about the life she will soon live.
To My Gamma-Phi-Beta-20-year-old-sorority-self,
First of all, Hi… You are so cute, even when you are unshowered and in sweats! (Enjoy that while it lasts) I have a few exciting things to tell you.
These things will happen to you…
When all the kids are sleeping and you will sit down on the couch and still be watching Barney, and maybe even singing along.
When you and your husband are out to dinner your conversation will be about what is going on in Gabba Land this week, and you won’t care.
You hop in the car, sans kids, you will not even hear the Wiggles singing until you arrive at your destination. Your ability to tune things out will impress you so much.
Your third child’s first food will be a giant fair turkey leg (I kid)
Boogers don’t bug you, and you will willingly stick your hand in a toilet full of pee to pull out a random toy that mysteriously appeared so you don’t have to call “Mr. Rooter”, again.
You will view snot as the least disgusting of bodily fluids you encounter each day.
You could bet your 3rd child that you can now win Super Market Sweep if it was still on bc you know every nook and cranny of your local grocery store. (Seriously, can this show please come back on television… I would SOOO dominate!)
You can put spaghetti in boiling water, set the timer, give a child a bath, dress them in PJs and a fresh diaper, all before the timer buzzes. (You only thought you could multitask before you had kids)
You will make bets with your husband making wages like who gets to change the dirty diaper, wipe the kid in the bathroom, or clean up the vomit.
You will hide in your kitchen eating chocolate covered
Hostess “gas station” donuts so you don’t have to share with your children. (Oh, and twinkies will no longer exist..boo)
You will then lie to your children when they bust you eating the chocolate covered donuts, and tell them you are just eating bread for a snack.
You think you are cool because you have forced your children to eat disgusting experiments you learned on Pintrest. Like this..
Coffee will run through your veins so that your eyes will stay open on their own, AND you will never sleep 12 straight hours again. Unless you are on a vacation without your children, then when you have the opportunity to sleep, you will keep waking up thinking about your children…thus, still not sleeping.
This will be a picture of torture:
You will go to the ER with your 3 year old child and receive an X-ray worthy of framing! Heck Yes!
(Thats a penny stuck in there folks!)
Holiday road trips will consist of crying children and bags of pee…
You and your husband will willingly paint your face in the theme of the party and sport it all day long, even out in public because to your 4 year old son, YOU ARE A SUPER HERO.
These are just a FEW of the many unexpected adventures coming your way, and yes, yes, yes… I do see a recurring theme of pee/poop/boogers on that list… yuckola, but tis my reality sweetie, get.over.it. 🙂
Okay, now I want you to lean in close and listen. Even though these events will happen, you will draw nearer and nearer to the Lord. He will refine you and sharpen you. He will use you to raise up three beautiful children. He will give you an unconditional love for your husband, that goes deeper than any love you have felt. He will bring sweet friends into your life that will pour into you and you will NOT be alone. His Word will inspire you, fill you up, and give you a hope for your future. God will be near.
Enjoy these moments of kid free trips to Target and study groups lasting until 2:00 am. Go on trips with your girlfriends and sleep in until noon. Live up the life that you have, and don’t waste a minute, because soon, your life will no longer be your own.
Thanks for reading friends.