For Humor

Random Mom Confessions: Lies I Have Told My Children

Photo found on PBS.org

I must confess.

I have lied.

To my children.

On multiple occasions.  BUT.  They were justified.  

My sanity was at stake in every.single.sitution.  Do not judge me.  You know you have lied too.  (wink.wink)

Sometimes when our children askandaskandaskandaskandaskandask againandagainandagainandagainandagain the things that come out of our mouths are just for basic survival.

Of course, honesty is the best policy, but when you feel that you might have a mental break down or snap at the thought of one more Veggie Tales song playing in your car, it is best to put the physical and emotional safety of your children above your valor of honesty.

Hopefully you can get a few laughs, and then we can just smile and admit that we are trying our best, and sometimes our “best” can be humorous in hindsight.

Lies I Have Told My Children: 

  • Sorry, I cannot turn on the interior car lights at night, then I can’t see the road.  :-/ This lie was told to me when I was young, and it never did make sense.  Now, I tell it to my kids, and I have no apologies.  
  • No, you can’t use my phone, it is almost out of batteries.  What I really mean to say is….”NO, you may not play with my phone.  It is MY PHONE, that I bought with MY money…. I know it keeps you quite for 5 minutes, but your boogery fingers leave smudges, you sneeze grossness all over the screen, and I have no idea what the crusty residue is that always appears after you use it” no.you.cannot.use.my.phone.  
  • I am not sure where that paper went?!  OH, are you talking about that paper you brought home from church with 2 streaks of crayon on it?  Oh, that one?  Yea, I dug down to the bottom of the trash can and buried it so deep you will never unearth it.  You’re welcome. 
  • The Veggie Tales CD must not be working?!  I am sorry.  NO, I just don’t like to talk to tomatoes, and a talking squash doesn’t make me smile.  ahhhhhhhh………. 
  • If you take a nap, then we can do something fun tonight.  Surprise!!!!  The “something fun” is looking at me all night!!!  Woohoo.  But, didn’t that nap feel good. 
  • You HAVE to get dressed… No one else wears their PJs when they go to Wal-mart.  Actually.  They do.  I am sorry. 
  • Ahh man, we must be out of batteries. Shucks.  Really I am too lazy to find the miniature gnome screwdriver to unscrew 8 screws to replace 10 batteries in a toy that I had been praying would disappear for 3 months.  
  • What gum?  Oh… the gum stuck to the top of my mouth that I am hiding from you??   Well, I don’t want to dig into my purse to find you a piece of gum right now because then your sister will want gum too and it will turn into a giant ordeal here, in the middle of Target?  (gulp…what gum?)

Do you have any mommy-confessions to make?  Comment below with any funny ones.

Thanks for reading.

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9 Comments

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  • Reply Ashley Ditto

    LOVE THIS! I laughed because I have said so many myself!

    March 6, 2013 at 1:03 am
  • Reply Melissa

    I think the one I told the most was PBS is OVER!!! I asked Laurel if she could remember any lies that I told her and she couldn’t, so I must have been believable!

    March 5, 2013 at 12:49 am
  • Reply Brittany

    I tell Rebecca I don’t know where things are all all the time, particularly those really loud annoying toys…I kind of worry when she gets older she’ll tell everyone her mom loses everything LOL

    March 4, 2013 at 6:24 pm
  • Reply mckenziegordon

    You are a hoot! We like the the battery excuse for lots of things.

    March 4, 2013 at 4:03 am
  • Reply Bill and Peggy

    “Oh, No – it’s past your bedtime!” – by not putting your clock back during daylight savings time – your kids are in bed an hour early. I think I know a smart mommy who did this. 🙂

    March 4, 2013 at 3:11 am
  • Reply Erin

    Ha ha, laughed aloud at this post! I’m with you on the nap bribe for sure. I’ve also had to tell Emery that some of her songs are ‘broken’…because I JUST CAN’T LISTEN TO THEM ANYMORE. There are many times that the kids’ iPad is “loading.” too….oops. 😉

    March 4, 2013 at 1:40 am
  • Reply Valarie

    Heather, my GiGi always told me…”Ohhhh, I can’t…I have a bone in my leg”. Not exactly a lie, but it sure did make us think she just couldn’t give us another horse ride on her leg. 🙂

    March 3, 2013 at 10:52 pm
    • Reply Heather D.

      That’s hilarious Val!! I will have to remember that one. haha.

      March 4, 2013 at 10:40 pm

    Thoughts welcome, please share.