For Humor On Motherhood

Earthquakes, Pink Eye, Teeth and 10-Second-Abs

Was anyone else jolted awake last night because of the Oklahoma earthquake??  
Or was it just me?  
I felt the earth jerk and came flying out of my sleep only to wake up my poor husband with a big fat slap in the face.  Needless to say, he wasn’t excited to wake up in such a manner.  I asked him, “Did you feel that?” he said “Feel what?  That giant slap in the face?” then I said “Oh, sorry.” 
2 thoughts ran through my mind. 
1: Was it another bomb?- “No… didn’t hear a ‘boom’.” 
2:  Was it the rapture?- “If it was I didn’t make the cut, I better get some rest before I face some sleepless nights ahead of me.”
Then I rolled over and went back to sleep, only to be woken up at 6:04 by my son begging to play Subway Surfer on my husbands iPhone… 
What is with my son waking up at 6:04 AM wanting to play a GAME!?!?  That is earlier than he wakes up on Christmas morning?  Maybe I should just download a new game on Christmas instead of spending his college fund on presents (<---I kid). (And before you have any preconceived notions or pass judgement.. he really doesn't play games very often, he was just introduced to this game last night thanks to his lovely auntie.) 
Now…EYE want to update you all on the “Pink Eye” situation around our house. 
Fact 1:
Pink Eye Is Socially Unacceptable.
If you ever want to be ostracized from your kids school, your church, or your group of BEST friends… get pink eye.  
“Hey we had a play date today, but we didn’t call you because you all have pink eye.” 
(Gee, thanks for at least being honest … It’s not like I was sitting at home teaching my kids how to give your kids butterfly kisses {or maybe I was?})  
I kid.  Again.  I love my friends.  Too much.  The fact that they could be openly honest and blunt with me about their disgust for me is kinda heartwarming.  I wear it as a badge of honor.  True friendships will withstand pink eye, lice and ring worm! 
Fact 2: 
Pink Eye Is Disgusting
If you ever want to look like Quasimodo sans the giant hump on the back, have pink eye.  Not only is your eye gross all day long from watering and booger-ing, when you wake up in the morning it is swollen shut… or crusted shut, depending on the shade of pinkness.  Are you ready to vomit yet?
Fact 3:
Post Pink Eye Aftermath is ALL Consuming

Would you like an excuse to launder every washable item in your house?  Good, I have your answer… get pink eye.  Our house is squeaky clean, thanks to conjunctivitis.  I have washed ALL sheets, comforters, pillowcases, blankies, towels, clothing…. EVEN the shower curtain for crying out loud… I witnessed my son wiping his eye with it, then I hid in the corner and cried.  The following pic was taken from the TOP bunk of my children’s room… a mountain of laundry one.bunk.high.  Sigh.  



Fact 4: 
When You Have Pink Eye…. THROW AWAY ALLL EYE MAKEUP THAT HAS TOUCHED YOUR EYE IN THE LAST MONTH…. Or you will get Pink Eye again!! 
Yes.  I am ashamed to admit.  I reinfected myself due to my own stupidity and stubbornness. Dumb. 
Sunday- “Surely this eye-liner will be okay if I sharpen it really well…”
Monday- “Well, good morning Quasimodo, so nice of you to greet me this Monday morning….”   


Fact Five: 
Pink Eye < Lice

I am going to go ahead and concede.  Anyone with a child who has had lice (cough, cough…my friend Katie) your ramifications exponentially exceed those of a household with Pink Eye.  “Eye.Am.Not.Worthy.”

Now, on to my favorite subject, TEETH! (Well, maybe not my favorite, but it’s better than talking about Pink Eye.)

If you didn’t know… I have been through dental school, but I wasn’t old enough to get a degree. 😉  No, but seriously, my Mom and Dad went to Dental School when I was in 6,7,8 and 9th grade.  I spent many hours roaming the halls of OU’s College of Dentistry in my pre-teen years.  I know what a typodont is, I have an explorer in my bathroom drawer and I have heard the words “distal cusp” more than anyone who is NOT in the dental profession.  (Random Facts…)

Lately… Zadie has been obsessed over this dentist play-dough toy.  I am really hoping none of you have a mouth like this patient.  Good-golly this poor guy needs a real dentist.  Ouch.

Dutch has been teething, so (for today) I hate teeth.  His top tooth poked through this week… I am not allowing Zadie near him with her dentist tools, but she does enjoy photo-bombing in her spare time.

Now.  I am signing off with 2 things… 
First… If I had all the money in the world I would track this item down and do a blog-review on it, just because I laughed for a solid 10 minutes after seeing this on Facebook today.  If YOU have ever used one, will you let me know if it’s worth my money?  I would invest in one for the summer or to use before my kids swimming lessons… the other mom’s would be talking about my abs for weeks… 
Second.  I started a FB page for the blog, so find me on Facebook HERE and “LIKE” my page!  Because of ministry, because I have moved more times than many annnnnnd because I am so cool (not) I figured having ONE place to update those who are interested in my blog would be a good idea.  
Thanks for reading, friends.  🙂 
Previous Post Next Post

You may also like

3 Comments

  • Reply Bill and Peggy

    This one made me laugh out loud!! Seriously needed this today! Love You! MOM

    April 16, 2013 at 11:42 pm
  • Reply Steve Finnell

    you are invited to follow my blog

    April 16, 2013 at 10:54 pm
  • Thoughts welcome, please share.