For Humor

An Unfortunate Mother’s Day: Orchids, Dead Bodies and the Best Chips and Salsa in OKC

It all started when our family stumbled onto a dead body.

 

Yes.

 

You read that right.  Let me introduce you to:

 

The Mother’s Day 2015 Chronicles: Duncan Edition

 

I must preface this story with some expository information: since the inception of the Denver/Heather relationship, holidays have always been a little bizarre, therefore we proceed with extreme caution and low expectations for each and every holiday.

 

Mother’s Day morning started out typical.   Denver was up and out the door while the rest of the family hit snooze one too many times.  After checking the clock after each snooze, I finally decided the well of spare time had run dry and I had better get out of bed.  My feet hit the floor, and with the gustnado force of an Oklahoma tornado, I whirled around the house, fixed breakfast, braided hair, mopped up syrup and ironed clothes. Of course, I dressed myself last, and put on the final touches of lipstick and dry shampoo before the kids and I made it out the door.

 

Upon arriving at church we were greeted by a beautiful older woman who leaned down to my oldest (and most frank) son and said, “Did you fix your Mommy pancakes this morning?”.   To which he responded, “No, but she fixed ME pancakes this morning”.  Cringe.

 

After the awkward pause and sting of embarrassment, I smiled a gave an “um-I-am-not-sure-what-to-say-chuckle” and we shuffled away to Sunday school.

 

After church service, we piled into the car to go to lunch.  Since we live in the middle of Oklahoma City, I decided to go to an “off the beatin’ path” restaurant to evade the masses of Mother’s Day patrons.  I decided on a place I have written about on this blog before, Tacos San Pedros.   It is a very “authentic” Mexican restaurant in the south side of Oklahoma City.  I could eat their enchiladas and taquitos everyday until I die; so so good.  They also have these homemade thick and crispy chips with a tomatillo salsa that will make all of your salsa dreams come true over and over again with every single bite.  The salsa is chunky enough to shovel it in your mouth chip by chip, with the perfect salsa-to-chip ratio, while the sourness of the lime/tomatillo concoction is flawlessly paired with an ice-cold Mexican Coke.  The food is so mind-blowing that you openly welcome men with guns tucked into the backs of their pants, and little boys on bicycles selling the latest street drugs just for one bite of their enchiladas.  (These are non-fictional characters friends…)

 

So, after a collective agreement on Mexican adventure eating, we headed over to Tacos San Pedros.  Oops, I forgot to mention my Mother’s Day gift.  Sometime that Sunday morning, Denver went to Walgreens and bought me a potted orchid.  Did I mention it was from Walgreens?  Because, it was from Walgreens.  Wallgreens… (I had to throw that in one more time.) To his credit, he had other plans for my Mother’s Day gift, but unfortunately, they fell through, and he ended up going to WALGREENS to get my gift… Walgreens ladies… be jealous.  I vow to NEVER EVER let the Walgreens orchid die.  I will keep it as a love memento from now until the end of time.

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Back to the story.  The family lands at Tacos San Pedro for lunch.  Of course, wouldn’t you know that we walked in the door and the place was PACKED.  My brilliant plan wasn’t so brilliant.  We ate until our bellies swelled up like little tick bellies, and then in the spirit of Mother’s Day, I decided to let the kids each pick out a popsicle from the deep freezer peppered with stickers of irresistible looking frozen treats located next to the glass case displaying fine quality products such as Capri-Suns and Mexican snacks like Choco-Roles and Barritas Frescas.  The kids lapped up the popsicles, leaving streams of high fructose corn syrup running down their arms and trickling down the corners of their mouths. (YAY, syrupy kids…Happy Mother’s Day to me!!)

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(This picture is from a different family meal, but “family table selfies” are the best!)

After making a monstrous mess of crumbled chips and pools of popsicle drippings, we stood up to walk to the car; our smiles ear-to-ear because we are fatten up and happier for it.  As we walked outside, the 2:00 May sunshine had been outrun by an ominous tornadic skyline of paralyzing wall clouds topped off with deep grey plumes all moving across the sky at raid speed.  As an Oklahoman, and Tornado Ally veteran, panic beats down your heart’s door upon such a sight.  I reached for my phone, checking weather alerts while walking to the car.

 

Let’s pause and pay homage to the tornado season 2015.  Activites include, but are not limited to: watching countless hours of storm tracking, spending evenings in the hallway with mattresses and children in helmets, and of course the infamous “TIGERNADO 2015”, where we experienced massive flooding, tornados and roaming tigers, all in one night.

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Okay, let us resume the story telling:

 

After loading the kids into the car, Denver looks over at me and asks, “What do you think that is?”.  I look up from my phone and see his finger-pointing across the church parking lot next door to the restaurant.  Behind the small church was a parking lot, and then at the far end of the parking lot was a metal building.  From a distance, I saw feet flung over a parking curb located in front of the building.   I immediately look at Denver.  Our eyes meet and instantly we know that we need to go check on the person.

 

“I’ll drive over and check on him, and you stay in the car with the kids.”

 

“Okay!”, I said.

 

So, we did just that.  I watched as Denver walked over to the man draped over the parking curb.  I see Denver trying to talk to him.  My fists were clenched as I was glued to the scene and chanting “move, move, move, move…” in my head, but no response.  Then, Denver leaned over and shook him a bit.  I clung tightly to the last bit of hope, bust still nothing.  Denver stayed standing by the man for a few more minutes, and then walked back to the car.   “I guess we will call 911”, he said.  So, we did.  (And, just so you know, the kids never knew what happened.)  For those of you who are curious, no foul play seemed to be involved.  It looked like he had passed out, or something… nevertheless, he was unresponsive.  We reposted the incident to 911 and then asked if we could drive away, quickly.

 

 

This Mother’s Day scandal trumped the Walgreens orchid by one million… and Mother’s Day will never be the same.

 

This was just the start to our week.  The week proceeded to include a collapsed sewer line, Denver being involved in a shooting, and me having to get an MRI.  So, from one friend to another, I do not recommend stumbling onto dead bodies on Mother’s Day, it only starts a chain of very unfortunate events.

 

Here is to hoping your summer was off to a more enjoyable start.

 

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4 Comments

  • Reply Debbie Priesr

    Never a dull moment at the Duncans’… And thanks for writing about it, Heather! You are amazing!!! Love you!!!!

    July 9, 2015 at 3:05 pm
    • Reply Heather Duncan

      lol! I know!! Thanks Debbie!! We love you back!!

      July 9, 2015 at 7:39 pm
  • Reply Dawn

    Obviously you can’t make this stuff up! These books are pretty naughty but hilarious–have you by chance read a Janet Evanovich novel? It’s one crazy disaster after another and perhaps (aside from the naughtiness) she bases them on you?

    July 8, 2015 at 11:45 pm
    • Reply Heather Duncan

      That is hilarious Dawn!!! I will have to look into her books, just to commiserate, lol!

      July 9, 2015 at 12:36 am

    Thoughts welcome, please share.