So, yes, this is December and no, this isn’t a post about sappy holiday sentiment, or elf hating, or how there are people suffering around the world, and so on…. this is purely a post honored to self-deprecation because, let’s be real… iiiffff I have to experience this type of thing, it at least needs to garnish a few laughs along the way. So, before you read on, promise me you will not bring this story up while running into me in public … thank you.
I title this post: The Day My Daughter Took My Skivvies to School
Here is a picture of my beautiful Zadie Bug, so you can have the full visual experience of the following story. (and PS. “skivvies” is a real word… who knew?)
Last week, my laundry pile would have frightened the most seasoned of mothers. We were coming off of a week of company, Thanksgiving break, then followed by 2.75 days without electricity. Basically, we were on the verge of a Target run for new socks and underwear, because things were getting very desperate around here. I was on a 48 hour laundry binge, you know, where you continually have a load in the laundry/dryer for a good two days…thus resulting in loosing a piece of furniture for the rest of the week to the “clean laundry pile”. In the midst of this laundry chaos going on around our house, I threw my daughters winter coat into the wash.
See, Zadie had just gotten a cute little $15 (probably not very warm..oops) pea-coat from Old Navy, and after wearing it a total of 3 days, she left it on the playground at school. So, I had to dig out her coat from last year, which was the coat she also wore the year before that. It was one of my favorite coats, soft, fluffy, a light shade of pink with darker pink polkadots peppered all over it. It was a little dirty from last years winter wear, so I tossed it into the washing machine with the rest of the laundry in queue. (<- look, I used a fancy English word!)
The next morning, during our rushing about to get out the door, Zadie began looking for her coat. I told her to look for it in the dryer, and get it out herself. Being the grown up 5 year old that she is, she complied and did what I asked. She threw on the jacket, and headed out the door. Denver drove the three of the kids to school and we went on about our day, like normal.
Then came car pool. Which, let’s pause for a moment of silence dedicated to the growing hole in our ozone layer caused by massive lines of idling cars waiting to pick up their children everyday at 3:00… who needs hairspray restrictions or spray paint can mandates…. the idling cars inching forward at a snails pace, sometimes with screaming toddlers inside of them… Mr. Obama… this is the problem, hello.
A car pool selfie… well, because.
Well, finally, my turn came to pull up at the door and pick up Zadie. She bounds through the door with a smile from ear to ear and a bulging bag, holding both of her coats. “Oh, great, you found your coat”, I say. Then I take the bag from her and drive off to the other car pool line to pick up Daxx… YES, I said “other car pool line”… no comment.
As I drive away, I pull out her new pea coat and examine it for any holes or scuffs, or other orphaned playground coat signs. I also pull out her other jacket, so I could see what papers she had stuffed at the bottom of her bag. Then, suddenly, I looked down and noticed something on her OLD jacket. The pink one with little polkadots… There, dangling in the wide open for all to see, I notice a pair of my UNDERWEAR attached to the velcro of the collar of her jacket. I immediately grabbed them, ripped them off of the jacket and hid them under my thigh, as if someone were going to see them there in the front seat of my van. I was beside myself with embarrassment… that my daughter bounced through the doors of her school that morning with a pair of my underwear adorning the collar of her jacket like a dainty little silk scarf…
I kept asking myself over and over, HOW DID SHE NOT NOTICE… AND… DID ANYONE ELSE NOTICE?! Cringe, cringe, cringe….(I am still cringing, writing this) … At this point, I wanted to crawl under my seat and have Dutch drive us home, but alas, I had to continue on to carpool line number 2 to get Daxx.
(If you didn’t think my life was weird enough, my children take turns hiding this Barbie head around the house, to scare each other and their parents… and yes, when I opened my drawer, she scared me half to death. She’s been known to wind up on pillows and in the showers.)
Luckily, I must add, the underwear were the exact same pink as the jacket… so even a person who was looking, might have not noticed? Maybe???? And, it was an extremely warm day in December, and my hopes and dreams are that she did not wear her coat to recess…??
It took me a week to tell Denver what had happened, and finally after I mustered up enough courage to tell him, he looked at me with a straight face, and said, “Whoa, how embarrassing!”.
“Totally, I know, huh?! I am still reeling from the embarrassment.”, I replied…and then we enjoyed a long laugh about it.
There. Merry Christmas… at least your daughter didn’t wear your underwear around her neck to school today. You WIN! 😉 Tis, the season!